My next blog post was going to about ‘Why I had a Selfish Christmas?’. This was supposed to be written and posted back in January. I even got you guys to do a poll on Instagram about what I should talk about and this is what you wanted. Well, I’m sorry, it’s the end of February and March is literally days away and posting something about Christmas now is pretty much useless/pointless.
If I had myself organised I might have been able to upload a post about my visit to Glasgow Botanic Gardens in November. I’ve written the blog post, I’ve just not had the films developed yet. I should throw that post up as it’s something fun and I shouldn’t worry about waiting for my film negatives to be developed but again I keep telling myself not to post it. (Let me know if you think I should just go straight ahead and just POST IT ALREADY).
But here I am now rambling about why I’ve had zero motivation to do a blog and that needs to change. So instead of it being ‘Why I had a Selfish Christmas’, I’m changing it to ‘I’ve had one of the most positive winter periods in a long time.’ Bit of a mouthful though.
A lot of people are affected from the lack of daylight in winter. Although I haven’t been officially diagnosed as seasonal affective disorder (SAD), I’ve just diagnosed myself with it. I’ve struggled through winter months for years. Usually it’s not always so bad or other circumstances have heighted it. But winter makes me want to turn into a fuzzy little ball, sleep a lot and eat.
This time last year I was severely depressed. I’d only been on antidepressants for maybe a few months, it could have been longer. (I’ve lost track). I’d been self-employed as well, which over the Christmas period was brilliant. But January & February was hell on my mental well-being. Luckily about a year ago I was offered a job working with Wild Leaf, which has dramatically changed my life.
So last year, I was in a pretty dark place, but this year I’ve been distracted. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been easy and I doubt I’d be able to be cope what I’m doing if I wasn’t taking antidepressants. Maybe distracted isn’t the correct word but busy. Wild Leaf has taken up quite a large portion of my time over the past couple of months. It’s given me something to focus on, rather that dwelling on bad thoughts at home alone.
Other contributing factors to having my most positive winter in years is because David and I are living in our first flat alone together. This move has definitely had a positive affect on my mental well-being. It’s so light and warm, my plants are loving it! It also meant David and I could have our ‘selfish’ Christmas.
I don’t like Christmas at the best of times but this year we decided that it was time to do Christmas alone. Trying to decide which family to go visit, trying to fit in everything around our working schedules it just too much for me to think about. December is pretty stressful for most, and knew that I needed to have a selfish one for my own mental wellbeing.
And you know what? I’m glad we had our own Christmas. It just meant that I started 2019 on a better foot. I was more refreshed, I was looking forward to getting back to it. Now I know that at stressful periods like Christmas I do need to put my own well-being first and will be trying to do same this year.